Re: 12 Years of Sobriety.
(Didn't always know what I was talking about.)
Today’s tiny, bold move is Grace. I’ve been sober 12 years this week. Don’t know the date (I was drunk). The farther I get, the more the journey softens me. Like my Mom’s metal meat tenderizer. How it started, and how it’s going pic below. I also share a song in celebration. Wherever you are in your sobriety, or recovery: I believe in you. You’re incredible for even caring, let alone showing up every day for yourself and your family. It keeps getting better and easier. Have really loved the young Dad newcomers to sobriety. Josh Luton is someone to watch. Support, and subscribe.
Holy crap, I’m still not drinking.
Twelve years ago this month, I kicked the drinks. It marks an important milestone in my life. For 4,380 days, I’ve made a better choice for myself, and our family— vs. trusting my shifty autopilot. Looking back, cutting the drinks is like running the Chicago marathon. I’m happy I did it. Proving to myself I didn’t need booze to party disrupted parts of me I still continue to learn about.
With each passing year, I have less to say about it. It didn’t hit me until recently that cutting drinking, and recovery are two very different things. I know— a little slow on the uptake! 😬
As always: non-judgement is at the heart of my sobriety. My choice never made me any better, or worse than anyone. How we work our recovery is personal to each one of us. Not drinking made me better than who I would’ve become. I was unhappy in my skin, in my career. Happiness in both areas couldn’t be found in booze. I was very much a likable chap. Though at times, getting by on charm alone. That work continues.
This is twelve years of doing my best to not judge others. (There’s always new things to judge them for.) I choose compassion whenever possible— though unintelligible, sloppy drunks make me very nervous. If you need subtitles, back the f*ck up. I don’t show up sober to rain on anyone’s party. And, I still love crafting ridiculous tiki drinks for our guests. Everyone’s entitled to their freewill, even when freewill and drinking can’t coexist for many of us.
I’m over the Rah-Rah Sobriety.
There’s a private sobriety Facebook group I’ve been added to a few times, though I never accept. It’s some very rah-rah anti-drinking bullshit. Just the vibe of it is hilarious. I love the newly awakened joy people have. Truly. “Life is so amazing now I’m not a drunk a-hole!”
My joy for how sweet life can be only grows, and I’m happy to discuss it when asked. But this group oozes “look at our happiness mania!!!" Not at all questioning if they’re on any lasting road to recovery. Or, if their pendulum swing is doing any new damage. The social media sobriety of it all! I’m happy for them, but I wouldn’t hang at any party that feels like coke-fueled jazzercise.
I know many true teachers and beacons for this movement. People who’ve dedicated themselves to saving lives, and elevating others. I know others who’ve started drinking again after decades. With no relapse energy. Like they’ve healed the former addict and can finally relax. I know friends who never miss meetings, who selflessly lead, and rescue suicidal drunks when they “go back out.” They’re not posting their shit. Just too busy saving lives and paying forward the miracle of hard-fought sobriety. Warriors all, who command respect.
Me? I just work here. For reasons mostly too personal to get into, I reset my sobriety clock. No, I haven’t taken a sip of booze for at least 4,380 days. Yes, I had two slips with THC in 12 years. Glad those happened. Being high only amplifies everything I hate about being high. The navel gazing paranoia. The destroying of junk foods. At a high-level, I restarted the clock as I took on working the 12 Steps. 70 days, today. As I said, stopping and doing the work to fully heal are two different things.
I once really pissed off someone close to me— because I outed his sobriety on social media. A very novice move on my part, one I regret more the longer we both stay sober. My rah-rah sobriety couldn’t see why anyone wouldn’t celebrate publicly. It’s a deeply personal journey, one that deserves privacy.
On my healing journey out West, I shot a quick video in celebration. I wrote this song ‘Autopilot’ six years into my sobriety. I’ve recently started playing shows again. I’m grateful to play and sing better than I used to. Drinks kept me trapped in my head, with little access to my heart. Some songs are easier to write, but it doesn’t mean you can play them, or mean what you’re singing about. The lazy California ease is what feels like freedom. I performed for decades like I was fighting my way through it.
This clip tricks me into thinking any of it is easy! It’s not. And it wasn’t. Like 12 years, when I could have been working the 12 steps. My tiny, bold move today is Grace. Remembering that on certain things— their beautiful, soft patina only happens in their staying power.
My autopilot is out of my way.
Drunk autopilot, anyway. He has friends. My inner voice sounds like an endless DVD audio commentary of Drunk History, mixed with Dr. Evil and Austin Powers. It’s why I meditate that crap away for an hour every morning. And, more Grace: it’s our unique brand of crazy that makes our clients hire us, and makes others love us. Be kind to yourself.
05.07.24 #12years #startingover #Day70
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I thought “coke fueled jazzercise” was your brand? 😂😂 - seriously nice post and congrats. I understand and was part of Rah Rah sobriety once but luckily the internet barely existed so I couldn’t reach too many people. But it was a sweet time. To be that optimistic and hopeful and the newness of having finally tasted some degree of real freedom.
1) Congrats on 12 years! You’re an example to the up and comers like myself (can I be this in my late thirties??)
2) The hair!
3) this couldn’t have been more timely. I was down yesterday evening after listening to an alcohol free podcast pitch the rah rah aspects of sobriety. Drove me into self deprecating thoughts of why don’t I have a six pack and shredded muscles from not drinking, etc.
Thanks for the full spectrum here.