I've become a morning person! In the most unfortunate, Emo sense. Does anything good happen between 3 and 6 am? That daily slice of hell we're fortunate to sleep through? When all the ghosts, vampires, and witches roam our halls. "Did you payyyy the bill?" They moan. "Tax dayyyyy is approaching!" The vibe at that hour akin to cold, musty vampire farts.
A friend and super-healer asked if my sweat smells different, you know, with all the cortisol? Mmmmm, nice. Not yet, but looking forward to it! A new milestone of existential angst. Adulting in the wee darkest hours, cortisol sweating. The double-whammy of snapping wide awake in the armpit of the morning? It's not enough to lay awake in your fears. It's also the worst time to do anything about them.
Yesterday's full moon bookends the mega eclipse on April 8th. Many mornings lately I wake up in spooky dreams. The other night I was driving a stolen cop car. Looking for my new home in a war zone neighborhood. When I finally woke up in this absurdity, I couldn't remember where my body was. Was I sleeping at home, or in some strange, lonely hotel? It took ten minutes to piece it together. Turns out I had shipped my body to DC for board meetings. I watched the clock strike 4:30, dead-center of the witching hours. All I could think to do was yoga. An hour of sun salutations and chanting. Smudging the darkness of my extreme disorientation. In the subway system of my life, if a map says "you are here", then where the hell are my goals, or the exits?
My mental goals are plenty. Per usual, Spirit has other plans. My hope is they are better plans. Too early to tell.
Hotels are lonely, shitty places. I see now how I've always suffered in these scenes. Loneliness, boredom, overwhelm. Makes me wonder why I'd spring for the Ritz, when any Motel 6 would offer the same half-star suffering.
Much of our suffering is mental. For me lately, it's been feeling the connection of our mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies. There's a super-healing on deck. Except this time we don't want the skin to heal around, or over any shrapnel. Eclipse season forces us to see daylight through the burning, cannonball hole.
I'm still walking, talking, and working through this psychic warfare. Much of my work is mostly high-functioning, believe it or not! The joy and service of coaching someone, anyone else's life. A welcome break from my own.
Glimpses of hope. Even during the Musty Farty Vibe of 3-6A:
I had the joy of leaving DC at 5A for a drive home in the Rad Van on Sunday. For two straight hours I drove straight into the wide eye of the nearly full moon. It was powerful. God didn't blink. Gold sun erupted over the mountain range. A great joy to be awake for it.
This Thursday our family of 5 leaves home for London at 4A. The packing and prep is daunting. And, I am overjoyed for travel and adventure with all 5 of us. I'll take fighting over the bathroom and clearing the sink over a solo hotel stay.
No matter the wreckage. No matter your struggle. Summer is coming. Know that.
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Agree on solo hotels. I took the earlier shift and woke up from 1:30-3:00 this morning…Between two yoga nidras and reciting my essence words I mercifully got back to sleep, but I’m ready for bed now.